One of my first jobs was at a wood factory. Truth. There were many different departments and I had worked in almost all of them throughout my summers and school breaks with the company. My absolutely favorite job there was in the speciality department. They had this conveyer belt with a very bright light that shinned on the finished product. I was to pick out the flaws, scratches, dents, worm holes that needed putty, or sanding the ruff edges. I just had to mark them for fixing. There was a variety of small imperfections on each board. It sincerely bothered me to let something get packaged and out the door that wasn’t A++ work. It was a good job for someone who likes perfection.
I see flaws without even trying. It may be a skill, it may be a personal flaw, either way it takes grace to have it in my life. It is super easy to see flaws. Some may see it as being judgmental but I see it as trust building. If I know a person’s vulnerability or imperfection it is easier to authentically care. Obviously, I balance it with also seeing the good, and the redeemable factors in others. I think because I see things that way, quite honestly I also have more to forgive. That is just my viewpoint. I am not sure if that is rooted in absolute truth or not. However, I find I forgive all the time. I have forgiven more than I believe is humanly possible. I need God’s grace. One of the many reasons why I know God is true. Not trying put myself up just trying to put a story into context. Also note I am way harder on myself then others.
A few years ago a friend sent me a book in the mail. I apprciated the gift but it just sat on the shelf. I had this belief that the book contained information that was to fix me. Tell me all about my scratches and dents. I know I need to improve on so many things but I didn’t like that she knew that or that she thought it would help. That is kind-of the thing about people that care about your soul, you want them to just love you and not really worry about what is wrong with you. So the book sat there on the shelf for a good year or so. I figured when God wanted me to read it, he would make it apparent. Until than I didn’t have to worry about it. Suddenly, God made it apparent by within a couple weeks time span I kept on hearing all over about the book. So I got a nudging feeling that it was time to pick it up and read. My husband and I read it together every night.
The book was 33 days to Merciful Love. For me it wasn’t so much the journey of the 33 days but the days after. See in the book you consecrate yourself to mercy. Consecrate was something I took quite serious. It is a pledge of stating I am going to do my best to be merciful to myself and to others. I have found some offenses are super easy to give mercy too. As time goes on there are other things that mercy is granted to and it takes much more effort. However, the more I seem to practice this little way the easier it seems and yet still remains quite difficult.
One of the harder things for me has been giving mercy and no one asks, knows, or even seems to have a fruitful care in the world that it is given. They do not know that I know what they did. Perhaps that is my little way in accepting God’s will. Just giving mercy when no one even knows. I keep on doing it not because of the fruits but because I believe it is the truth on how we should live, difficult or not.
A number of years ago. A Priest who know the worst things about me kept on saying to me; “May God Bless You and Make You A Saint.” I had to hear it for months on end before I didn’t push the very thought away and truly accept it as an even mere possibility. So what some people may see as some idealistic blarney was one of the most loving and merciful things I have ever heard.