Not to long ago I read an article that stated the downfall of video games. Not that I had to read the article to understand what I am failing at but I was curious. See about ten years ago, I was the Mom who did not want one video game or one play gun in the house. Now my son has literally more nerf guns than I could count off the top of my head. I was going to be the great parent that banned video games and actually played with my kids. Life just kind-of happens and my high parenting expectations and ideals went by the wayside. Right now, I can’t even get my family to agree to unplugged Sunday’s. We have negotiated a three hour block. Sure I still believe I am a good parent. I could be better.
Recently, I was watching and listening to my son play a more violent video game as he also voice chatted with his friend. He tells me that playing video games is about the friendships he builds. I believe that is a part of it. Anyhow, when I listened to his voice chat, I wrote down a bunch of quotes he said. Some of which are, “Mercy for life”, “I need Mercy. “, “Get me Mercy.”, “Where is Mercy?”. Afterwards, I asked him, who is Mercy in the game? He replied, “It is a character that heals you when you’re hurt.”
Mercy- A character that heals you when you are hurt.
It has taken me years to learn what my son already knows. Mercy is a character [trait] that heals you when you’re hurt. Nothing else will fill that void. Often mercy is all we really need. Really, when we are not as we should be, is their something else that we need besides mercy? Mercy of others. God’s Mercy. It is a grace to receive that when things could so very easily go another way.
Mercy is the redeeming factor. HIS mercy endures forever. As much as it pains me sometimes mercy is what we all need when we are hurt. Giving it or receiving it is clearly not an easy thing. It is for me at least a difficult thing to give as a free gift. Part of me wants to hang onto thoughts such as; what was done really hurt, so I am giving you mercy but attached to it is a small little unspoken ransom note. However, if that is the case than it is not really mercy that is being given. It is not really going to heal. Also I have found that sometimes I reach a point and think “You know what, you have reached your maximum quota of mercy. I can not give any more” but then that would not be relying and trusting on Jesus. Can I hear an Amen from the frustrated, tired Mom’s? Suffer well my dear sister.
Sometimes when I concentrate on my past failures in life I get disheartened. To see it from the perspective, I wasn’t calling you out, I was listing my obstacles. Anyhow, sometimes when I focus on the negative and I think you have been there too, I want to trade in my soul. Literally, I start thinking about how so-and-so must be better than my own self. Like I praise the Jesus in them forgetting along the way HE is in me too. I regard another as more important and significant than myself. Instead of focusing on how I could be redeemed, I focus on how stuck I am. Eventually, I go to confession, pray to have a heart like Jesus, ask Mary to lend me her heart. Maybe I do not do this as often as I used to but when I do God is always there. Hopefully, you have been given a grace to hate sin and not so much your fallen self.
Maybe you have not disliked your own soul and I am more alone in this than I realize. We can change our body and we can change our mind but it is not anywhere near the same as cleaning our soul. Through God’s grace, love and mercy our soul can be renewed.
We can run away from a lot of things in life but we can never run away from our own soul. It is always there, always will be. Our soul is the innermost part of ourselves. It is our greatest value to HIM. It shares in the dignity of God. We are both a body and a soul. We are to regard our body as good and hold it in honor. Therefore, humans may not despise their bodily life. (CC 363 & CC 364) Yet, I do not know anyone who completely loves themself, at least not all the time.
Sometimes, I daydream about being in heaven, like it is a real place. Here in this place, everyone knows my soul. The good, the bad, the poor coping skills, and even the unbearable. We all have things we want unpublished. Since it is heaven they are all perfect too in their souls so there is no shame. There are no more secrets. Everyone knows everything. The whole story not just a piece of it here or there. We are all redeemed. Somehow, since it is heaven the tribulations that I know of are glorified. Not just forgiven. Not just cleaned. My soul is being used to completely glorify our Lord on earth and in heaven. Maybe it is just a daydream to get me through a tough patch…
But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him,” 1 Corinthians 2:9