I don’t know about you, but I like to have all my ducks in a row. The key is “like too” and when it is not that way, well, I find myself frustrated, lost, confused and a bit disorientated. Trust God more, they say. Pray unceasingly. Concentrate on God. I do not doubt the advice but lack the follow through. Cause my side tracked plan seems better in the present moment. I am to be Momma Duck. Make sure the kids are getting good grades, expanding their minds with enriching extracurricular activities, have a clean, safe house, be there for them at every turn, provide the right amount of guidance…We want so much from our lives to have order; however when clearly looking, it seems to resemble a rave more than divine plans.
Why am I doing this again? Putting one foot in front of the other, getting out of bed in the morning, tackling life…To help save souls, no matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice, because I am a disciple. I guess. At least that is what I tell myself on good days. On poorer days I think, how do I get this responsibility to move onto someone else? Cause it is to much. Surely there are more entertaining people, more qualified people to do this. God must have lined up someone else more perfectly for it all. Yet, the truth is maybe you are good enough to do something that you think needs to be done.
Have you ever stood in a line waiting impatiently? Yeah, well this one time, on spring break, I stood in line waiting. My now ex hesitantly said, “I don’t think it is a good idea.” Being determined, I didn’t care what he thought was a good or bad idea. So he pleaded with me more. “I think your father will be mad. He already doesn’t seem to like me much.” I was like, yeah, that is kind-of the point. I was going to stand up to my father. Even if, I was there on his dime. So there I was still standing in line. Than the logical ex, thinks of the most protective thing he could say…”It doesn’t look like they are properly cleaning those needles” He was right they weren’t. Ugh. I didn’t need to take time to contemplate for a second if it was worth the risk of getting an STD over. It obviously wasn’t. So that is how, I did not get a tattoo on vacation in Cancun, Mexico. I am so very lucky and grateful that I got out of that line.
We all want protection from the bad things in life. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. SEE in Mexico they speak and write Spanish. You already knew that. You would think after 3 years of high school Spanish, I would be fluent, but nope. To start out…there was this guy, I liked laughing with in class…Teo/Fao I forget what he called himself cause he was muy grande. I also have this thing probably better known as TRUMP syndrome. You know where you can’t sound out words cause the word doesn’t verbally make the sound it is suppose to. Maybe that is not your genre. Hear let me pull you out, a chair if you care. Ok so you have to memorize the pronunciation, the spelling, the meaning and connect all those separate dots together. For. Each. And. Every. Word. Not a disability but a STRENGTH in being a very strong verbal learner. My point…there are many…imagine the effort it would humbly take cause rarely do people say what they need to say. Some people don’t even ask the questions they should be asking for fear of the answer.
Anyhow, so there I was walking along the sidewalk, looking behind me trying to read a very colorful, hand written, multiple size font, Spanish sign and thinking out loud. I than tripped over a cement divider. Cause…that is a great place to put one of those. Actually, it was around 4 inches square by two feet tall. So easy to miss. It was there to stop idiots from driving on the sidewalk. Mind you, it was NOT there to prevent idiots from walking on the sidewalk. Anyhow, I tripped over the cement block and I ungracefully fell. As I put my arm out to brace myself, I heard something and immediately, my arm really hurt, from my collarbone to my finger tips. THIS gives me the opportunity to drink more!!! We all have to see things from a strength perspective, you know, especially when on holiday. I could not move it but I thought it was just badly sprained. What a way to start out the week!
As the week progressed, I would have my elbow in a steady position. No amount of alcohol seemed to take the pain away, believe me I tried just that week. Never again. Oh, did I mention we broke up too. That week in Cancun he decided he didn’t want to marry me anymore. It was like the rug was pulled from underneath me. Literally, collapsing to the floor. A good decision but I didn’t see it that way at the time. So I was physically helpless, with one of the biggest broken hearts of my life. My ex would help me with everything like I was a quadriplegic. Anyhow, I don’t talk to my brother in Christ anymore. Nor do I have a desire to. However, as his sis, I do pray that wherever he is, he makes it into heaven. I pray he gets the opportunity to purify his soul in any way is necessary. He took care of broken me when I needed him most. He took care of me knowing some of the worst things about me. He took care of me when I couldn’t even see straight. He took care of me even though it was not what he had in mind for an adventurous fun spring break. It was his sacrifice. Is there any other greater good? A love given in sacrifice. I think knot, since we are to imitate Jesus. Although, as I took time to pray, get my ducks more in a row, and try to concentrate on the right things…it dawned on me that the greatest good may very well be deeply caring about everyone’s eternal soul. No matter what they may think, do, say, or be. Oh BTW, when I had gotten back home, to the states, my father insisted I have it x-rayed and sure enough my elbow was broken.