Mass Shootings

Certainly correct me if I am wrong cause I know I may very easily fall into cynicism or lack of hope. They say in psychology, that suicide is not wanting to kill oneself but wanting the pain to stop. So it is likely that mass shootings (//Mass shootings) mean not necessary that they want people to die but that they want people at a particular facility to stop hurting them. Perhaps, an abortion would mean not that they actually want an infant to die but they have no hope for that soul to be able to make this world a better place. So you got to ask yourself what am I doing that gives hope for the future? How am I contributing to a marginalized person as well as a fervent group of people in a positive way? With their call for help how amI helping?

I have noticed something recently. That I pride myself on being able to take a lot of suffering. Maybe upon close examination it is not pride because I am aware that God assists with being at least ok in suffering but it is not complete humility either. Plus at least from my perspective, it is a lot and it is a suffering. So much so that I may refuse help. Cause it is rarely enough anyway or it ends up hurting someone unnecessarily. Actually, no matter what is done it seems to make matters worse. Sometimes it is helpful in it being known that another attempts to care/help. Otherwise, you’re just all alone with an unavoidable struggle. I don’t know the answer. I was advised to walk with others to receive a more clear answer.

Part of the pride in suffering is, I want to be strong and independent. I will prove to everyone I am capable of that, even if it is quite evident to others that I am not. Suffering seems to be the way in a sort of sense. After all Jesus suffered a great deal for our sake. Saints talk and write about the sweetness in suffering. Suffering is a form of love towards others. On the flip side, the shooters in a mass shooting, it seems you do not have to look far before major suffering in their life can be found.

If you suffer well you have patience with yourself and with others. So the opposite of being able to suffer to me is complaining. Oh my gosh, stop complaining. I often find in my head and to my family as I complain about complainers. Ironic I know. I talk about something being such a minor inconvenience, to look past it, it really doesn’t matter 5 years from now, heck it may not even matter 5 minutes from now. Heck their inconveniences seem so petty I was able to go through life not even noticing it. Did I mention pride is an issue for me at times? Just solve the problem and move on or just let someone be who they are. End of story. No need to talk about it without end, unless it is used to help others.

I know someone who likes to think out loud. As one could imagine the irritations he is able to find in everyday life can seem to be overflowing. Sometimes well founded, sometimes not. The thing with complainers though is they get their feelings out. Maybe not always the most healthy way but it is just a bad moment not a bad day. They do not stuff the annoyances of the day. They get over it and move on as if they didn’t just disrupt another’s entire equilibrium.

The problem with stuffing things is eventually there is the last straw…and the reaction is not in proportion to the annoyance. Suddenly being a suffering holy person looses it’s appeal. The hope that you were once fighting for turns hopeless. Sometimes it is over something so insignificantly small. “How many times have I told you to pick up your socks?” (Umm, it is a rhetorical question) Sometimes it is a perception that is a bit skewed. Like all or nothing thinking, “No one ever helps me”, “I am doing it all”, and “Nobody cares”. Yet, I want to be independent.

Moments, I decided to loose my patience are big and small. I wish they didn’t happen at all but they do. Things like the kids not picking up after themselves, finding a task still not being done, taking away my voice, taking away my ability to live a happy healthy life, not having clear spiritual music, (due to a phone virus or something) my right to gesture no and mean it, my very life, someone else’s life, or desecrating the Holy Eucharist. Those appear to be my current top eight. Cause apparently I think I can tolerate a lot and call it suffering. Yet, honestly maybe the suffering on most small occasions is just being unable to see God’s holiness. Cause when we loose sight of suffering being for the Glory of God, we are living for the world instead. So to have hope we are to start again and strive to live for God’s glory.

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